Is Your Boyfriend Not Listening To You When You Vent?

Are Your Girls Tired Of Giving You Advice About The Same Guy Every Other Week? 

Do You Need Advice On Things That You Just Don’t Want To Share With Your Family & Friends?

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Answers So Far..

  • Someone asked:
    on October 24, 2024 8:46 am
    I’ve given up on love I’ve realized that it doesn’t exist. When I get into a relationship I’m going to look for what is good for me how he treats me from the start my own interest and what they can offer me just how men do. Looks/Attractiveness, being loved, being respected, treated as an equal, money, secure and good lifestyle, personality etc and i’ll just exist and have my own life. If i can’t get what I want then I’ll move on. Just like men do. Maybe that’s normal for both men and women and i didn’t know. Men know and they play to their own interest or lie gaslight and use you If you ever let your guard down. I don’t know how to feel about this it’s a change of mindset entirely that’s going to take some time to get used to. And it feels hard to implement? If I meet a real man someday That’s great but at this point i feel like i can’t count on it. Which makes me feel some type of way because love and all that was one of the things i really cherished or wanted to have one day. Maybe it’s my pain talking but I don’t really think so I’m an observant person and chances are low. Some days I feel more positive but i feel like that’s living in a bubble and the women who know the game, and actually follow it, get much more in life. It’s literally play or get played relationship edition. Your take on this?
    • SLC replied:
      on October 25, 2024 2:30 am
      i do think you’re coming from a place of pain. it clearly sounds like you’ve been hurt by a man on one or even multiple occasions. I think your pain mixed with how toxic this generation is when it comes to love, has you feeling this way. I can honestly tell you from even my personal experience that you shouldn’t give up on love. I was never a lover girl, like i literally used to have men fall for me and then id be like .. nah. that would happen time and time again. i never thought i would be able to actually commit to someone and i honestly thought that maybe i was just cold hearted when it came to men like everyone said and this love thing wasn’t for me. I swear to you my friends all lost hope in me because i never really took a guy seriously and they were all waiting on me to finally experience it. i didn’t care though, i had my guard up because my biggest fear was having a man think he could play me. So if i’m the one thats not putting my actual feelings into it then i’m the one who ends up not being played. Its obviously lonely in a sense but.. it’s better than getting hurt right? Especially in a generation where people don’t take relationships seriously anymore anyways. Well…. I can tell you now that i am 100% in my lover girl era now. I promise you, i never expected it. its just one of those ones where when you know, you know. this man has allowed me to let that fear of commitment, that fear of being played and to let go the negative feelings i had towards how all men in this generation operate when it comes down to relationships. I say all this to show you that you just haven’t found that one yet. Are a lot of these guys shit out here? umm yeah, but that doesn’t mean that all of them are. I do agree that you should go into future relationships with a set of standards/boundaries you’ve set. I just don’t think you should go into them with a negative mindset right from the beginning. be cautious ofc, listen to your intuition ofc but also be open, because there is someone out there for you. love is such a beautiful thing. i feel like you’ll really luck out if you purposely choose to avoid it. You can be a woman who stands on her boundaries/doesn’t let people play with her emotions and also be a lover girl at the same time. The two can coexist.
  • Someone asked:
    on October 24, 2024 2:05 am
    last Night i went out with the guy im seeing and on the drive home, he got 3 phone calls (which he ignored) from a female caller. the Third time i told him he could pick it up if he needed to and he said it was fine he didn’t need to and we changed the subject. How can i bring it up without sounding accusatory? I want to trust him but men have done me so dirty in the past, its hard not to assume the worst 🙁 Thank you!!!!
    • SLC replied:
      on October 25, 2024 1:46 pm
      the only way to ask him about it, is to literally just ask. when you do it of course don’t come with an accusatory attitude but just moreso from a place of general interested. i think his answer to that question isn’t even the most important thing though. i think the conversation that has to be had after he answerers the question is. because whether he answers ‘yeah it was a girl who called me’ or ‘no it wasn’t a girl who called/ it isn’t like that’, you still have to follow up with whether he’s talking to other girls or not while also seeing you. since thats the bottom line concern you have. i don’t know if y’all have talked about that yet or set some boundaries around it, but if you haven’t then now is the best time to do so. If you don’t want your time wasted you have to be up front about it. Again it doesn’t have to be some ‘is it just me or not?!’ interrogation but something more along the lines of ‘hey i just wanna know where your heads at, are you still talking to other people… because this is how i feel about that … and so on’. Again you’ll never reallllly know the truth but that’s where your trust in him will either kick in or not. All i can leave you with is to just always believe in your intuition, if something don’t feel right, then it ain’t. hope this helps xoxo
  • Someone asked:
    on October 23, 2024 11:24 pm
    How do you handle some uncomfortable thoughts that just automatically pops in our mind?
    • SLC replied:
      on October 25, 2024 1:30 am
      whenever that happens to me, the best thing i do personally is just observe them, separate them from myself/assess and ignore them. I know it sounds harder than it is, but i’ve learned to see uncomfortable thoughts which usually stem from anxiety, as just an annoying thing that wants my attention, but the less i give to it, the more it seems to go away. this was very imperative for me to learn when i went through a very anxiety-ridden time where all i had was uncomfortable thoughts that i needed to learn to control. the more i separated myself from the thought, for example if it was ‘omg i’m so nervous i feel like im going to have a panic attack’, i would observe the thought, look at my current situation and analyze it like ‘okay girl i’m actually not in danger, im safe where i am and even if i did have a panic attack right now i would cope with it and move forward’, after that i would simply start to ignore/distract myself from the thought until it would just go away. We are in control of our minds, our minds are not in control of us, so i think the more we remind ourselves of that, the more it’ll start to stick. of course every situation is different, if these are thoughts that are unbearable and/or are affecting your everyday life then you should seek professional help.
  • Someone asked:
    on October 23, 2024 3:56 pm
    I started talking to this guy a few months ago. We met randomly through Instagram, and I rarely ever give my WhatsApp to people unless it’s my family or friends that I know in person but i felt he earned that maybe a bit too quick in my eye. He trusted me to talk about his last relationship which happened to be extremely toxic and I also talked about my narcissistic one, and we little by little got very comfortable with each other and we talk about everything (I mean everything). The problem I have is that there’s a 4 hour difference and a whole ocean between us, and the way he talks to me sometimes makes me feel some type of way. My question/advice is am I falling in love with him, am I just needy due to being single for a year, should I give up on trying o get anything oter than friendship? I’m confused and I have been losing slep thinking about it. I genuinely like this guy but I don’t know I it’s more than friendship and if it is, should I pursue it.
    • SLC replied:
      on October 25, 2024 1:14 pm
      honestly sis these are questions that only you can answer for yourself. you have to be the one that knows whether or not this is a relationship that you actually want to invest your energy, especially given the fact that its going to be a long distance relationship. you have to be the one to admit to yourself whether or not this is something you’re interested in only because you’ve been single for a while. you gotta be the one to decide whether or not the way he talks to you that makes you feel ‘some type of way’ , is something that you can look past or potentially have to put up with. I don’t know your heart so i cant personally answer if you’re falling for him, you would have to look for that answer for yourself. When you do though, make sure you’re taking in ALL aspects, not just the good ones. As an outsider looking in, i would say maybe just keep building on the friendship until you can really come to terms with how you feel about him. I also think knowing what he really wants out of this is beneficial as well and thats a conversation you two should have. Whatever your decision is though, i hope its one that is the best for you.
  • Someone asked:
    on October 23, 2024 1:02 pm
    Hey thanks for your advice on the childhood friend I grew apart from. I honestly did have a vibe she was competing and possibly a hater towards me and wanted to just keep up with me hence why she usually just watch my story and rarely ever engage at all even though i tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I just decided to block her and remove her completely off my Instagram today. I just feel like she likes to watch but never really support anyways.
    • SLC replied:
      on October 25, 2024 1:17 pm
      no worries and good for you girl! there’s no need to have people lingering in our lives who aren’t there to actually support us. I’m glad you made that decision for yourself. i hope those around you are nothing but supportive and loyal people because thats what you deserve xoxo
  • Someone asked:
    on October 22, 2024 3:26 pm
    Hey girlie How do you deal with the lost of your best friends? We had an argument 2 years ago and instead of me forgiving them in 2022, we broke apart, now they are still best friends so it’s a trio now. I miss them so much but it can’t be the same now cause of the fight and the tension I should have forgiven them in the past, cus now i still have to forgive them cause i am a child of god. We have mutual friends and so i would always see them on the mutual friends’ story etc. I feel like it’s my fault and it keeps on replaying in my head I am at fault and it’s my mistake. I miss my girls. God called us to forgive. I should have forgiven them and still be friends with them the moment the argument began. My mind was young then, i am matured now and i am seeing how i could have just moved on and still be best friends with the 3 of them How do i let go? How do i forgive myself from letting my best friends go by not forgiving and moving on? I was behaving childish. But i was truly hurt by them. But true friendships have arguments. That was our first argument so i didn’t understand that all friendships have arguments but we should forgive, make up and move on. I miss them so much. The damage is done and i can’t be best friends with them again. Sigh. I don’t think there is a chance of rekindiling.
    • SLC replied:
      on October 23, 2024 2:44 am
      hi my love, i think the good thing about this is that you have come to terms with and accepted your faults in this situation. I think that shows a lot of maturity. I’m all for rekindling friendships as long as every party is open to it. you should reach out to them and see whether or not they’re open to having a discussion on mending the friendship. If they are open to it, then i want you to be as accountable as you’re being now and have that tough conversation. hopefully it goes well enough to where you all can put the past behind and move forward in this new chapter of your friendship. if they can’t come to terms with forgiving you, then you have to accept that and move forward as you’ve been doing the last two years. At least you’ll know that you did what you could to potentially rebuild those friendships. Remember that it’s okay to grieve. Just like in a relationship break up, you have to grieve the relationship and accept that this chapter is closed. Learn from this so that you make better choices in future friendships.
  • Someone asked:
    on October 22, 2024 1:26 pm
    that was to a guy that’s reading your posts not you, ignore it 🤍 i regret putting my energy there again but there’s heavy emotions & boundaries there that he constantly disrespects and Humiliates and it’s heavy on me. He never leaves me alone i can’t even relax when i’m alone it’s taking a toll on my health
    • SLC replied:
      on October 23, 2024 2:28 am
      ohhh omg not y’all are playing broken telephone on my page😩 but like i said before sis, you need to cut off all communication. you cannot allow someone to play with your mental health like this. Again if the police need to get involved then so be it. No more games and no more gimmicks. This is not something to be playing with at all. i pray you get the peace you deserve from this man.
  • Someone asked:
    on October 22, 2024 11:28 am
    Nothings changed you tore me apart at my lowest and i can’t heal from it
    • SLC replied:
      on October 22, 2024 11:38 pm
      ???
  • Someone asked:
    on October 22, 2024 9:24 am
    Hey Girl, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, and it’s been really hard to move on. He was my first in so many ways, and I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who made me feel the way he did. I’ve lost all motivation, and even though people keep telling me that I’ll find someone better and eventually get over it, I just can’t see that happening. I want to change my life and become a better version of myself, but it’s been tough. Right now, I just feel rejected and unwanted. How do i overcome this And move on?
    • SLC replied:
      on October 23, 2024 2:24 am
      baby them first break ups will always have you feeling like you no longer have the will to move on but i promise you, you WILL. you’re hurt rn and sad but i promise you theres a light at the end of the tunnel. with time and putting more energy/focus back into yourself, you will eventually get over it. The equation i’ve realized when it comes to moving on is this, Time + distance + prioritizing yourself= how you move on. Firstly i’d say you have to accept it. Accepting the break up is key because it allows you move on. Give yourself time to grieve the relationship. its okay if right now you think that you’ll never get over it, its okay if right now all you wanna do is cry, its okay if right now all you wanna do is be with him. Its okay. It’s normal to have these feelings. Continuously give yourself grace through all of it. You’re not going to be over him by tomorrow or next week, or even next month, so give yourself that grieving time and be patient. That doesn’t mean that you just sit around and mope 24/7. You gotta accept it and keep it moving. Out of sight = out of mind, i always tell girls, you need to also remove them from social media, the less you see of someone, the less you’re sitting up worry about what they got going on, Don’t look through their comments, their tweets, their likes etc. unfollow or if not MUTE them. you shouldn’t have any heavy communication with them either. If you can cut all communication off that’s even better but i know thats not always realistic so set boundaries. Right now your main concern should be you, so start doing things that will make you happy. you were with someone for two years so i know you may feel like you can’t be happy without him, but trust me you can. You were someone before you went into that relationship and you’re someone now. Embrace your individuality now. do things that you enjoy (and maybe even things you missed out on doing being in the relationship), just cater to you, your wants and needs. You say you want to be a better version of yourself, so what better time to start then now? You are your biggest priority rn, make time for yourself, nurture yourself, look good/feel good. I would recommend you do some self-reflecting as well. get your journal out, your notes app out or even a pen and paper and get to reflecting. ask yourself what this relationship has taught you and what you want moving forward in future relationships. Ask yourself questions relating to yourself, do you know who you are separate from from your relationship? ask yourself why you feel rejected/unwanted. You cannot tie all your worth into your relationships. Like i said, before you were in this relationship you were an independent, now its up to you to decide who you will be after this relationship. Are yo gonna be the girl strung on her ex or are you gonna be the girl that moved forward and evolved? Its hard now trust me i know it is, but with time and effort on your part, you will be fine. Rooting for you xoxo
  • Someone asked:
    on October 21, 2024 2:56 pm
    I dont know what to think about my mother’s best friend’s older daughter who once knew me when we were young kids living in Florida question years and years ago. ( my family and I ended up moving to South Carolina and leaving Florida kinda early but her and her mom still stays in Miami ). I remember when I was in high school i reached out to her trying to form back a stronger connection , telling her I missed her, wanting to video call etc but she only made time for the people she knew. She wouldn’t ever try to answer my video calls , id always have to text her first despite her had saying she misses me too, and on her snapchat story she hanged out and had fun with her friends so I decided to move on after being disappointed. 2-3+ years Later when I’m 19-21 after high school ( I just turned 22 this month 🙂 ) she decided to follow me on instagram. Now earlier whenever I watched her story I’d like some of her stuff but she barely ever like anything of mines not even a post of myself on my story. She had dm me last year telling me she’s happy that my boyfriend loves me ( she had her own boyfriend at that time as well ) , replying to my story she has the same hair comb as I’m combing my wet hair on wash day trying to relate to me , she asked me if my boyfriend and I broke up all because I decided to share a funny and weird story of a older middle aged white man hitting on me as I was waiting on my seafood boil order , while my boyfriend was waiting on me in his car. But I personally have just moved on with my life, I don’t even like when my mom randomly comes to tell me what is going on in her life and what her mom said to my mother about the ladies daughter. I feel like we just aren’t close anymore and when I was trying she showed me she didn’t care so. RECENTLY, I had went through my 1st time big girl job as a Direct support professional where I have to do paperwork, computer work, emergency procedures, checklist, passing medication out, etc for 4 residents at a residential home with their family involved and our house manager. I had got a Certificate in CPR and Medication Technician. So I sadly Had to leave the job despite my boss saying she’s going to miss Me over something that Got in the way. So I decided to share what it’s like because a man told me it’s a serious job and It was. I shared on my story and I noticed that my mom’s best friend daughter watched everything all the way through and didn’t even support anything ( she usually does that more than liking my story whenever she does watch. I’d say I’m more Supportive than her ). I’ll never forget when I was a kid at the pool my hair was long and she said she was jealous of that. I’m more of a adorable calm natured beautiful girl also trying to work towards My career I want to pursue, self mastery, and finding what own value in my own lane as well. My mom’s best friend daughter She’s more like a baddie type of girl her mom supports her like she was able to get her daughter a car etc. My parents weren’t able to get me a car I had to buss my ass at a warehouse to get a car. But I did watch someone on TikTok say that the people that knew you or once did have perception of you or they might be the least supportive if your doing good rather than a stranger so idk how to feel about her but its kinda weird. I don’t view her As a family friend either.
    • SLC replied:
      on October 22, 2024 10:00 pm
      it honestly sounds like she doesn’t care for you in the way you once cared for her. like you said, it could be strangers supporting you more than someone you’ve known your whole life. At our age, we’re gonna outgrow so many people. The people who you once thought you wanted in your life, can turn out to be someone who doesn’t need to be in your life at all. i think you two are on different paths and that’s honestly okay. you can’t be friends with everyone. Not everyones gonna support us the way we would support them. This is why i tell people to never overextend themselves if they aren’t getting that reciprocation back. Like you said, you have your big girl job now (congratulations btw) and you’re focusing on building yourself. You don’t need people in your life who don’t need to be there, especially potential secret haters. I say wish her well always, but stop putting so much energy into what the friendship ‘could have’ been. Who knows maybe one day you both will reconnect again on a better level, but i say until then, she’s an acquaintance at best and you should leave it at that.
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